Marriage is good, marriage is great. Marriage is challenging work.
Recently, there was an article floating around the web where Seth Adam Smith proclaimed that “marriage is not for me…” and “you don’t marry to make yourself, you marry to make someone else happy.” I don’t know if i agree with all of hi sentiments but it’s an interesting thought. Additionally, we have to take his article in context since it appears that Mr. Smith was struggling with mental health issues (depression) and other challenging circumstances (suicidal attempt). Nevertheless, the premise that we marry to make someone happy is an interesting one.
I do believe we marry to make the other person happy, however, i believe we have to make ourselves happy first and foremost. After all, charity begins at home. And this brings me to the topic of this post. I believe when we forget our happiness in marriage, our spirit and soul dies a little and we lose ourselves. And instead we become lost in the other person and our marriage. And that is not healthy.
Codependency comes to mind with Mr. Smith’s words: “you marry to make someone else happy.” Codependency is a clinical term where “someone is in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship that involves living with and providing care for another person.” Which is what i think happens when we enter or remain in marriages for the sole purpose of making the other person happy.
I do agree it’s important to be selfless in our marriages and cater to the needs of our significant others however, we cannot do this if we are sacrificing our happiness and well being. Eventually, we will become resentful and feel hatred toward the other person. Additionally, i strongly do believe we cannot make our marriages great and stronger if we are unhappy.
Hence, why i LOVE that Khloe Kardashian (my favorite one if i was forced to choose one) has decided to take a stand for her happiness. Of course i am not an insider in her marriage but from watching their show and other social media outlets (i follow her on instagram/twitter), Khloe appears to have married Lamar to make him happy. And within the marriage, she appeared to have catered to his needs at her own expense. As i think may women do in marriages. There were scenes where she was taking care of his business, mental health and well being, making sure he was happy all the time while sacrificing her needs to start a family and to be happy. And of course he was allowing her too because he wanted to be taken care of and catered too. It’s no wonder she was also gaining weight. And lo and behold once she decided to take a stand, she is taking care of herself and losing weight and looking amazing!!
Now i am not saying you are NEVER supposed to cater to the needs of your husband/spouse. I am saying however that women shouldn’t do that at their own expense.
Marriage is hard work. And i truly believe if we are unhappy in it…it makes marriage hard unnecessarily. Mr. Smith is right that we should get married to make our significant others happy, however, we have to be happy first and foremost. We cannot give anything from our cup if it is empty.
That’s my little ditty on marriage this Wednesday.
But in the end…this is mostly the reason why I got married…..